When The Lights Go Out

Finally, there's going to be a couple good shows in Toronto. Fired Up and Another Breath are playing shows in the first two weeks of March. Winters here are dead when it comes to just about everything, including hardcore or punk shows.

I finally received my copy of Fired Ups "When the Lights Go Out" from Youngblood Records. They also through in a copy of Lights Out "Overload" which was a nice considering how long it took. I've had the Fired Up EP in mp3 format for a while. I ordered the CD instead of the 7" because i wanted to hear the demo they did in 2005 remastered. I liked the demo a lot before i heard it remastered, having listened to it a few times now i like it even more. If i had this in my hands anytime last year it probably would have made my top 10 of 2006.

One of the most noticeable differences between the demo and the EP is the songwriting. The construction of the songs and the lyrics are a step above the EP, which is impressive considering how much i liked the demo.

Although i like all the songs off of the EP, the lyrics from "All I Could" are great.

Took the chance to go for something more

Don't want to make the same mistakes i made before

Don't want to settle for just getting by

I want to get the most out of this life

This was all i wanted to i gave it my all

Investing so much, didn't think i could fall

What went wrong? How'd things end up this way?

I'm willing to try so what does it take

Hit the ground hard, but i gotta get up

It's a tough loss to face cause i cared so much

Wondering was my best just not enough?

All i can say is i did all i could

Figure out the mistakes i made

Pick myself up for another day

Try again, its never too late

But i need to know, what does it take?

Still Desperate For Answers

I decided to change the layout of this thing, i finally figured out how to customize it and make it look a little better, so hopefully it looks okay.

I watched the movie "Children of Men" that just came out, its one of the better movies I've seen in years. The cinematography is probably the best I've ever seen and the story line and plot are really intriguing. If you haven't seen it, its set in England 20 years from now, the human race is basically falling apart because we can no longer reproduce ourselves. Women can't get pregnant. So there's a lot of war, fascist governments, and extremists trying to take back control. I won't get into the story, but watching it put me in gloomy mindset and i started thinking about our world, what its becoming and how i don't even know the half of it.

It also got me started thinking about what any progressive thinking person my age is struggling with. How long can you hold out? How long until the system that you hate so much swallows you and takes all your dreams away? And how do you avoid it, how do you turn your back on something that reaches every single aspect of your life in one way or another. It only keeps reaching further and further until it's got you in its hands.

I remeber at the GB reunion Civ said "What do you do when you grow up? When your forced into this system?.... You do what you love."

I wrote this mostly out of spite and anger, but there is hope, I'm just trying to find it.

Where It Ends

I fear nothing more than becoming oil for this machine
It eats you up, grinds your bones through the gears of progress
And spits you out a lifeless drone

You’ll comply or you’ll die, you’ll comply or you’ll die

How long can I hold out, how long until my persistence
Gives me life and I can rest my hope
In the hands that carried me this far
How long until we all wake up
Shackled to the promise of prosperity
Is this where you’ll stay, is this where you’ll waste away
Or will you hack through the bone, leave false promises behind
And find the strength inside to run away.

You’ll comply or you’ll die, you’ll comply or you’ll die

How long until I collapse, dead weight
I won’t land without the earth shaking
I won’t let you steal what little I have left

I’d rather die with dignity
Than with them pointing laughing at me
I’d rather die with all of me
Than with only broken pieces of me

Clean Living Youth, Hardcore Punk, And Social Change

I just finished reading this book last week. As far as i know its the first "academic" book ever published on straight edge. Throughout the book the author (Ross Haenfler) addresses a bunch of issues concerning straight edge including its core values and how they're interpreted, positivity, commercialization, the internet, and the involvement of women. He does all of this taking the perspective of straight edge as a social movement and a subculture that has the ability to create social change. Every chapter he interviews a bunch of edge kids and gets their opinions on the topic being addressed. The author has been straight edge since 1989 or something like that so he's able to lend his personal experience, which is really what makes this book so credible.

There's a fair amount of discussion on the issue of selling out, reading it got me thinking about why so many people, people in influential bands who inspired edge kids to keep moving forward end up selling out, sometimes not more than months after the band they were in breaks up. I think one of the reasons for this is that being in a band or being constantly associated with other edge people it becomes a lot easier to be straight edge. Once that safety net is gone, when they're not around edge people all the time or not consumed with music and touring its pretty easy to slip up, to fall back on old habits.

There isn't anything wrong with having a lot of straight edge friends, but i also think its important to separate yourself from the pack so that when push comes to shove you have a backbone that can stand up to temptation. Personally, i hardly ever associate with other straight edgers, not because i don't want to, but because i feel the scene in Toronto is too much like a high school social scene. I go to shows and enjoy the music as much as anyone else, i just have no interest or motivation to really get to know a lot of people, especially because it seems so exclusive. The edge people i do know are in the same boat as me and seem to be pretty sincere about holding onto the ideals they profess to today, tomorrow.

The bottom line to all this is you've gotta do things for yourself, who cares what the world thinks, what your friends think, or what other kids involved with hardcore think. If your doing things for yourself and no one else that's as punk as you can be and its what makes the edge special to those of us who think it can make this world a better place

In light of this i was inspired to dig up the most famous song regarding this topic and one that still says it better than anyone has since.

"Straight Edge" By Minor Threat

I'm a person just like you but i've got better things to do then sit around and fuck my head hang out with the living dead snort white shit up my nose pass out at the shows i don't even think about speed thats something i just don't need i've got the straight edge i'm a person just like you but i've got better things to do then sit around and smoke dope cause i know that i can cope laugh at the thought of eating ludes laugh at the thought of sniffing glue always gonna keep in touch never want to use a crutch i've got the straight edge i've got the straight edge

It's a Disease

I was on the bus on the way back from class today and the most putrid smelling dude got on and sat close enough to me that i was having a hard time breathing. He probably hadn't showered in weeks and cleary hadn't washed his hair in years. His hair was in this huge matted ball on the side of his head that looked pretty solid, it was bouncing up and down and slapping him on the head when he walked. I found this pretty comical, but i also felt bad for the guy. He obviously had no motivation to clean himself, which probably means he isn't motivated to do much else. Looking around and seeing what some people have been depressed to is pretty disturbing sometimes. It's product of a diseased society. It can be pretty angering if you think about the reasons some people are the way they are. The key is to use that anger to create something good, create some positive momentum.

There was a band from Toronto called "No Warning" a few years back. They released a couple really solid records before signing to a major label then breaking up not long after. They had a really crunching sound, think Guns Up only better. Guns Up were obviously hugely influenced by this band. They had really angry lyrics, almost bitter at times, that complimented the vocal delivery and the music really well. For the most part the lyrics managed to remain hopefull. Anyway, they have a song that in a way speaks to what i was saying above.

Caught in the Web

We can't win. They're everywhere. Gotta fight back. / Not on my watch, not while I'm here / I'll hold on to this while I still care / Turn away from the lies, embrace the anger / And use it as momentum to break out faster / As far as I'm concerned, this is as far as it goes / Tired. Neglectful. Here I am, here I hate, here I go / Say goodbye to the wasted time spent on other lives / That are a part of mine / It makes no sense - I wish I could stop / I've tried before - The web has me caught / Twisted minds will try to keep me off track / Shifty eyes keep watch over me and await the time for attack / Only to become what I've hated all along / What I've fought all this time / I've made my bed and it's where I lie / But I'll be damned if I'm to live this fuckin life / Your mirror shows you've changed / Look close - that's who you are / Your mirror shows you've changed / Look close - You can see your pain / I won't be a prisoner / Release myself from life's chains / What I lose in this endless fight / Somewhere else I will gain

Slamball accident