Anchorless

"Isn't it true that you start your life a sweet child believing in everything under your father's roof? Then comes the day of Laodiceans, when you know you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, and with the visage of a gruesome grieving ghost you go shuddering through nightmare life." - Jack Kerouac

That quote is probably one of the most disturbing, most tragic pieces of writing i have ever read.

In a sense it's what inspired me to write this:

"Deathgrip"

Where did it go wrong?
When did my mind become so restless it turned on itself?

I used to know the difference between fact and fiction,

Between truth and lies.
Now I only know what fiction is, I only know lies.
And everything is a lie, this world is dead
And we made it this way, we watched it die
We had our say, but it’s all lost on us, it’s lost on us.

Why choose to feel when you only feel pain
The knives twisting in and out of your back.
Why choose the light when darkness hides everything you hate
Your scars are concealed when darkness permeates
Why choose the narrow road when you can’t see the end
And the end is only something you dream of
On those nights you were nearly broken, but you wouldn’t give in

I’m still holding on
I’ve seen too many fall short
Wasted lives take a piece of me with them every time they die

You only hold on because somewhere, you believe in hope
You only let go because death is easier
Than staring yourself in the eyes
Swallowing your pride
And admitting you were almost too far gone
And the direction that we were heading was stomped, peddled, and beaten upon

We were wrong, we were all wrong

So just let go, let go

Lights Out....For Good

I'm so glad i was able to get my hands on this record. It was the second pressing out 215 or something like that. I love the artwork on the album cover, it really suits the whole vibe of the record. Most of the songs on this record took some time to grow on me, but ever since i was able to sit down with the lyric sheet and listen along I've gained more of an appreciation for this record.

Pretty much any song this band put out was teaming with anger. It's easy to be angry but most anger lacks any sort of direction. Every song seemed to have a direction or a focus whether it be pointed inwards or outwards towards other people or towards society. My favorite song from this record is "Trapped" to me it epitomizes what this band stood for for the short time they were around. I'm a little bummed i didn't get to see them live a single time, but i think I've took what needed to be taken from this band.

Swarm, like a pack of dogs
Destroy the wounded
Fucking eat me alive
But I'm far from harmed because I don't hate my life
You want to break me down and build me up
Follow your every move
Sell me happiness in 15 minutes
You think you can because so many do
Fall into your trap, I'm smarter than that
Your fucking lies, your dirty scheme, I'll never let you beat me
Their control....
Refuse it....
Destroy it....
Control it....
Cause it's always you telling me what i want
and no matter what i do you'll never stop
Everywhere I turn, there you are
But you'll never destroy what i know inside

We Are The Walking Dead

Usually when i write i try and make it somewhat poetic or i try and put it into the format of a song. Its more powerful that way. But sometimes its too hard to say what i want within that context. I've been in a bit of disturbed mood lately, here's some of the outcome.


What does it mean to be alive in this world? I'm not talking about simply breathing, waking in the morning to face the same blown-out routine. You can only walk down a path so many times before it becomes beat, boring, and lifeless. It might seem enticing at first, giving in is always the easy way out but you'll live to regret it. For generations we've been nothing more than walking dead, marching our way to burn out in beach side towns and retirement homes.

There are a few who resist but most of us either get dragged in line, kicking and screaming, or we can't even will to raise an eyebrow at the fact that we're living unfulfilled. In doing so we've raped and ravaged entire continents of landscape and entire societies of people. Because we do it better, who needs to live when your skeletal remains can bask in a sea of colored paper?

One of the problems is that we've created an empty life, we're born into it, it requires us to leave our true ambition, or aspirations at the steps, before we even see the light of day. Most of us don't even know what it means to be ambitious, in the true sense of the word. You can be ambitious within the realm of our society, but set foot outside those confines and you can't even fathom what it means to breath freely. Let alone know what it means to have aspirations that are true to your heart.

I'm trying to figure out how it feels to be dead inside, but i don't know, I'm not there yet. I don't know what it feels like to live because I'm not there either. I'm stuck in between light and darkness, blinded by a grey haze that leaves me waving my arms out in front of me in fear that i might grasp something that will point me in the right direction.

To be continued.....

Young Man Blues

I saw Modern Life Is War last night for what i believe was the fifth time. It was one of the better times seeing them, just because Jeff seemed to really be into it, and i was equally as into it.

The turnout was weak once again. I guess the hipsters united and decided MLIW wasn't their cup of tea any longer. It's really amazing in a city that has a lot of great hardcore punk bands that a band as good as MLIW gets ignored. But if it isn't trendy here it doesn't fly. Another reason why i will never follow and will probably never truly feel at home in this scene.

They played most of my favorite songs including, first and ellen, by the sea, the outsiders, dead ramones, and clarity. They played three new songs each of which were really good. Their new record is going to be amazing.

I lost it during pretty much every song they played, more than normally would. I think it's becuase ive been so into Witness lately, it's almost as if i've been able to pin down where this band is coming from and it makes it that much more meaningful.

I lost my voice almost completely after the show, i guess i felt i needed to make up for the lack of support or something, me and my friend Etienne along with some really obnoxious kid were really the only ones consistently into it. We talked to Jeff after the show briefly, he seems like a really nice dude. We also talked to Brooke Strauss who is touring with them playing an acoustic set before their set. He seems like a really interesting guy, his lyrics were disturbing, not really in a bad way, more in a depressing, being torn from the depths of his soul way.

I've been listening to Witness a lot lately, the more i listen to it the more i get an "On The Road", "Jack Kerouac" vibe. The book seems to epitomize coming of age in Western society even today. For those of us who are searching for something real, something different, i think this book can't really say it any better. For me Witness definitely expands on this theme and the new record, from what little i was able to grasp seems to be expanding even further.

Trying to live for what your heart longs for is something that's nearly impossible with the obstacles we're faced with. Most of us can't even recognize what we want or need, we just do what we're supposed to be doing and that's the end. It never goes any further we just live our lives dead inside. Bands like MLIW deserve a lot of credit for being truthful to themselves and not giving in, i guess the challenge is finding a way to live, individually, without any restraints limiting your potential.

Dance of Days

I finally had a chance to see No Trigger play on the 5th. They were supposed to play a show back in the fall with New Mexican Disaster Squad but their van broke down before they got to the border. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of kids singing along and the intensity of their vocalist. For those of you who haven't heard them, they play melodic hardcore punk similar to that of Strike Anywhere, they sound a little more polished and at times almost poppy but they pull it off better than most bands attempting to play the same style. They sounded pretty tight throughout the whole set, these guys are really young as well so it will be interesting to see what the future holds for them.

Daggermouth, Hostage Life, and Set Your Goals were also set to play that night, i stayed for Daggermouth and left before the next two bands played. I actually like both of Daggermouths' LP's so i always enjoy seeing them. The crowd went off for them which was nice to see considering the last time they played Toronto i think i was the only one who knew who they were. They did a Descendants cover 'I'm The One' which was great, i was singing along the whole time so i wasn't really paying attention to how it sounded but from what i caught it sounded like the pulled it off pretty well.

I started my Anthropology class this week, it seems really interesting. We get to read a book written by a dude who went and lived with crack heads/dealers in Harlem called 'In Search Of Respect' which is going to be awesome. The whole course is all essay writing which is a bonus for me, there seems to be an insane amount of reading (40 pgs of assigned reading plus the aforementioned case study book which will be at least 10 pgs a night) but as long as i get free reign on the essays i don't really care.

On a side note, my landlord brought me and my roommate an insanely nice dinner tonight completely unexpected. He's a French Prof. at York (the school i go to) and has been really good to my roommate and i so far. So this post goes out to Caribbean Cuisine and how good it tastes after you've been surviving off your own half hearted attempts to nourish yourself for longer than should be aloud.

In With The New

Man, i really need to stop slacking and update this thing. I've been busy getting ready moving into my new apartment so all things Internet have taken a back seat. I needed to get out of that hole in the ground i used live in.

I've been to a couple really good shows the past couple weeks or so. I saw Lifetime on the 20th. It's pretty clear there making this comeback for the right reasons the whole band had a ton of fun on stage. Yemin was losing it to nearly every song which was great to see. And their new LP is really solid, maybe a little more polished than their previous stuff but it still holds true to what made them what they are.
I picked the LP up at the show and apparently i got the last one on limited red vinyl.

Then i saw Static Radio, The Loved Ones, Strike Anywhere, and The Bouncing Souls this past Friday. Static Radio play melodic hardcore punk sort of like Kid Dynamite, no where near as tight or fluid, but they seemed good none the less. I've seen the Loved Ones a few times now, i don't listen to their records a whole lot but their live shows are entertaining. They're just extremely catchy, without being to poppy. They still maintain that punk edge.

This show was sold out so by the time Strike Anywhere started it was getting pretty hot in the venue. I managed to maneuver my way up front and sang along for their entire set. They played a few new songs, a few from Exit English, and some of my favorites from 'Change is a Sound' including 'Refusal' and 'Sunset On 32nd'. They also played 'Earthbound' from the EP which was a nice surprise. As usual Thomas shared some of his political insights that shine through in mostly all of their songs. They didn't play 'Notes On Pulling The Sky Down' which i was a little bummed out about but when you've released four great records it's hard to please everyone.

I can't really explain how fun it is to see The Bouncing Souls, listening to them usually puts me in a better mood and seeing them live is just an extension of that feel-good energy. I just stood behind the chaotic crowd and took it all in. They played a good mix of old and new stuff and they finished with 'For All The Unheard' which has a really long outro that almost makes me pass out every time i hear it. They almost the entire thing vocals and all, it was cool to see that.

Saturday No Trigger is playing with Daggermouth and Set Your Goals. I'm looking forward to seeing No Trigger. 'Canyoneer' was a solid record so hopefully they get a good response from the crowd.

I start classes for the summer semester on Monday, im taking an Anthropology class so hopefully it deosn't suck on the same level of most university courses. And i changed the layout of this after realizing my last one was pretty ugly, brown rules.